Previously on Awkward.: Jenna bans Matty and her friends from attending her coffeehouse reading. Later, she ignores Matty so she can make time with the Jack Kerouac-wannabe Colin, who appears to have no problem hitting on other girls while still in a relationship. Class act, that one.
Wow. Jenna fantasizes about Colin in the middle of having sex with Matty. Jenna freaks out, but Tamara assures her that fantasies are normal, explaining her penchant for her shower massager and Niall from One Direction. She kind of undoes the message by immediately lying to Jake about said fantasies, but whatever.
Mr. Hart, inspired by Jenna’s performance, wants his students to write about various kinds of firsts. Everyone’s really bad at paying attention, and they all assume that he means stories about losing their virginity. To those accusations he responds, “I’d rather put a hot poker to my balls than read your pubescent fondlings.” He tells Jenna she has to write about her fantasy of losing her virginity, which seems wildly inappropriate for high school. For everyone else, it can be the first time for anything, causing Sadie to tearfully say, “First time I shopped retail.” Ha!
Matty tells Jenna that she must not have invited him to the coffeehouse because of what she was reading. Jenna doesn’t think it’s a big deal, considering everyone’s read it already—until Matty reveals that he’s never read Jenna’s blog. This unexpectedly angers Jenna because she thinks that Matty doesn’t care about her writing.
I just wanted to point out that out. Jenna’s having difficulty writing the fantasy until Colin starts walking her through it, with helpful suggestions like, “Make it sexy.” Is it really showing that he kind of repels me? Because he seems scuzzy and insufferable. His words of wisdom are starting to make it sound like HE has a crush on Matty. WHAT IF HE’S SWIMFANNING JENNA?! I would totally forgive the jerk-ish behavior on Jenna’s part if Colin is actually obsessed with Matty. Unfortunately, I don’t think this is a thing.
The bitchy Becca had called Ming out on secretly dating Fred, giving her the kiss of death to let her know she was in trouble. Ming meets up with Fred under the bleachers, where he informs her that due to a cheating scandal he’s being shipped off to Idaho. He very romantically (and crazily) tells Ming to run with him. “I’d rather take my chances with Becca than move to Idaho.” Ming, you rock.
Hart’s doling out comments on their latest works. To Sadie he says, “Equating shopping retail to prison rape was a bit much, but better than your other papers.” Seriously, can Sadie be the new protagonist? She’s more interesting, if wildly inappropriate. Hart tells Jenna how real the chemistry in her paper about Colin was, causing a spark of recognition to brighten Sadie’s eyes. Colin kneels down to stroke an eyelash off Jenna’s cheek. Vom. You’re in the middle of class. Wait until the bell rings, dude. Sadie catches on, threatening to tell Matty. They both run to Matty and Sadie yells, “Jenna has something to tell you!” and bails. Jenna talks about the A grade on her paper and runs away. Because that’s going to make everything better.
Jenna admits to Tamara that she may actually have feelings for Colin, but Tamara brushes it off and claims the fantasy is always better than the reality. “Niall is my soul mate, but in reality the signed photo of him in a tux on a diving board probably isn’t even signed by him.” Jenna sees the picture of Colin and his girlfriend in his locker and goes off to feel rejected, guilty, and angry.
Ming faces off with Becca. “You were right about me. I’m white. Do you know how white bitches deal with Asian bitches?” she asks, and proceeds to PUNCH BECCA IN THE FACE! Becca tries to play innocent when the two are being questioned by Val, but it doesn’t matter since Val has 32 signed affidavits swearing Becca walked into a door. Ming is the new hero of the school, and rightly so.
Jenna’s parents are concerned that she threw her A paper in the trash. After Jenna spits out the truth, they both assure her that crushes are totally fine and can help sustain the relationship. Even so, Jenna’s guilt is too much for her, and she gives the paper to Matty. When he calls asking to talk three hours later, she panics. However there was no need to worry—Matty found the paper super hot and set up a café set at his house to make Jenna’s fantasy happen. Oh, Matty. You’re so good. And also slightly blind. We’ll call it trusting for now.
Next week, it’s “Redefining Jenna,” which means Jenna wears more eyeliner and appears to bail on both Matty and Tamara in favor of Colin. We appear to be going in the wrong direction…