Jenna’s rattling off a list of things she’d like to keep a secret, which is how we’re told that her birth control pills are no longer one kept from her dad. After going through the five stages of grief for his daughter’s virginity (I guess Ma Lacie never mentioned the pregnancy scare to him), Kevin calls Matty’s parents and leaves one of the most mortifying voicemails ever. The sentence “Our children are having sex,” was featured, which is just something that shouldn’t be left on a voicemail.
At school, Sadie’s being a Cheertator while ruling over a bunch of gossiping girls. She grills Lissa about the whispering while Lissa is in the middle of a stunt, asking if it’s about the Sadie-killed-Ricky Schwartz rumors. Lissa hesitantly informs her that it’s about her parents being broke, and is subsequently dropped for her troubles.
Tamara’s excited about the prospect of her and Jake having sex. “Finally Jakara will have something over Jakenna!” she says with glee. She’ll be the “First Lady of Hump City” (I don’t even know)—as soon as Jake tells her he loves her. Jenna brings up her own sex-related anxiety, that being she doesn’t know how to tell Matty about the voicemail, and Tamara urges her to blurt it out to him and run away. Which she does. Her very blunt words were, “Hey my dad called your parents and told them we’re having sex, bye!” Way to rip that Band-Aid off, Jenna!
We’re back with the awesome writing teacher that the show is pretending to be scary. This week, he’s grading papers on a scale that includes things like “Self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head” and “hopeless,” which comes with him tossing the paper into the hallway. Hee! He beseeches Jenna to go deeper, using words instead of emoticons to express her inner thoughts. New dude Colin gets the only real compliment in class, which grates on Jenna’s nerves. She complains to Matty, who’s not listening because he’s too busy being worried about the horrifying voicemail.
The McKibbens arrive at Jenna’s door, and MY do they look prim and proper. His parents nudge him to apologize and Matty obliges with an “I’m sorry I took your daughter’s virginity.” Following suit, Jenna’s parents urge her to do the same. She follows this with, “I’m sorry for letting him take it?” This viciously awkward situation could have ended here, but Ma Lacey is too nice and insists that the McKibbens stick around for dinner.
Meanwhile, the cheerleading squad is trying to figure out what to do without Lissa. Val offers to stand in, explaining that faculty can stand in case of injury, pregnancy, or bear fever, reminding me that Val should really be utilized in better storylines than this one. Sadie is being a hardcore Cheertator here, fighting against using their alternate.
THE ALTERNATE IS TAMARA! My girl T decides that this stellar news is enough to make her ready to have sex with Jake. She calls him to give him the news, ending with an “I’m ready! Okaaaaay?” which I thought was a nice nod to her new cheerleaderdom.
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Back at the Hamiltons’, Jenna is trying to distract the dads from grilling Matty about how many sexual partners he’s had. She reads her fortune aloud: “Something private will become public.” She rolls her eyes at the unfortunately timely cookie. She’s handling this entire thing quite well; I probably would have just grabbed Matty and bailed eons ago.
Upon seeing the rose petal-covered back of the van Jake has painstakingly set up for her, Tamara bursts into tears and runs away.
The Hamilton-McKibben dinner went from holy awkwardness to nasty spat in no time, with Mrs. McKibben claiming that Ma Lacey is encouraging promiscuity by being open with her child and helping her attain contraceptives. What I heard was that Mrs. McKibben doesn’t appreciate responsible parenting. The argument closes with Ma Lacey shouting, “And I am not a hippie! What kind of hippie do you know that has fake boobs?” Point to Ma Lacey.
Jake finds Tamara facedown on her bed, weeping and shouting, “Go away and take your sex van with you!” T is upset because what Jake set up was exactly what he planned for Jenna and she’s tired of being second best. Jake’s a dude, and he had a certain view for what his first time would look like too, which earns him some sass from T for it involving a minivan. They talk out a new shared fantasy involving hotel sex, leading to their inevitable tumble into Tamara’s bed.
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Attempting to make Jenna feel better, Ma Lacey details the story in which she went to dinner with Kevin’s parents and told them that their teenage son was going to be a father. The humiliation was worth it, since Ma Lacey is so happy with the relationship she and Jenna share. They exchange smiley “I’m glad you’re yous” and Jenna’s dad yells, “I’m glad you didn’t forget to take your pill!”
Sex wasn’t the magical experience Tamara thought it would be, but she and Jake are on the same page about it. Jake is looking forward to figuring out the sex thing with Tamara and tells her he loves her.
Apparently T snapped a photo of that moment and sent it to Jenna, because it shows up on Jenna’s phone right before she calls to tell her that not only did they have sex—they exchanged I Love Yous. Young people: please don’t do that sort of thing, it’s weird. They hang up and Jenna goes back to writing something titled “My Mother’s Greatest Humiliation—Me,” so it appears she’s trying to take her creative writing teacher’s advice.
The doorbell rings, bringing Matty back to the Hamiltons’. He looks at Jenna and Ma Lacey and says, “My mother was right about one thing—you guys are different people. I’m your kind of people.” I’m going to take that to mean responsible, open, and NOT wretched like his mother. His dad was a fine dude, he even genuinely thanked Ma Lacey for dinner before following his wife out of the house. Matty asks to stay with Jenna, creating the conflict in next week’s episode!
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Basically…
- T’s going to be on Sadie’s cheerleading squad, and I have so much hope for this storyline!
- Mrs. McKibben is just NOT my kind of people
- The scene where Jake told T he loved her officially put the adorable stamp on Jakara
- Ma Lacey and Jenna are working towards quite the positive relationship
Check out the preview for next week’s episode, “Indecent Exposure,” to see how Jenna deals with Matty as a houseguest! Spoiler alert: not well.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVxTCpVwduA
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