ONE WEEK LATER: living in (parentally approved) sin is great! Easy access for making out! Except for the whole Kevin drilling a hole in the door to spy on his daughter and her boyfriend thing. And the fact that Matty is kind of a lot, especially considering he takes up all her bathroom time. Which is how we find Jenna washing her hair in the kitchen sink and asking her father what Matty could possibly be doing that takes up so much time. He informs her that he’s probably “mixing the creamer,” a euphemism for masturbation that I could have lived without.
At school, cheerleader Tamara tells Jenna she needs to work on her “wake up makeup” since she’s starting to look old. Like, 25. Watch it, T. Some of us are nearing that age faster than we’d like. Jenna explains the bathroom situation, explaining that her hair is “frizzy from her whore bath” (Ha!). T proceeds to pull an actual piece of spaghetti from Jenna’s locks, opening the floodgates of Jenna’s complaints. Meanwhile, Matty is celebrating his current situation to Jake, which can be summed up by one sentence: “It’s like living at a resort that serves sex, spaghetti, and Sports Center.”
Lissa asks Tamara if she’s ready for Sadie’s sleepover, only to figure out that T wasn’t actually invited. She tries to backpedal the invite away, but it’s too late.
Writing class: Colin is spouting off some introspective, pompous rambling that is giving me flashbacks to some unfortunate lit class experiences. When asked her opinion, Jenna says that she finds it pretentious, giving me faith in Jenna’s tastes. Cool teacher says, “Careful Hamilton, you’re describing my 20s there,” after she commented on its Hunter S. Thompson quotes, acid trip in the desert, and an imaginary half coyote shaman. This teacher is still awesome. Colin finds Jenna after class to thank her for being honest—he knew that it was pretentious, but doesn’t want to be predictable. So he wanted to be pretentious? I don’t find this kid appealing in the slightest.
In response to Jenna’s claim to tiredness, Val says, “A result of a bit of late night sex play with the live-in?” telling all of us that Val is alive, well, and still as inappropriate as ever (important!). They discuss ways to get Matty out of the house without hurting his feelings.
Jenna’s finally got time alone, which means she can get out all of her guilty pleasures and finally relieve herself, bathroom-wise. Matty’s practice got canceled and Jenna starts to lose it—and then passes a bit of gas. Remember that this show is called Awkward.? Moments like these remind me. Matty’s super cool about it, making jokes to make her feel better and telling her that as a guy he sometimes needs her to tell him when something’s bothering her. He offers to head to Jake’s, but Jenna tells him to stay. She and Matty pick out porn to watch. They come across a Harry Potter-themed film and Matty cracks, “Call me ‘Dumbledore’ and I’ll show you my wand.” Lol, though he then claims he can’t do wizard porn.
Tamara ignored Jake’s warnings not to go to Sadie’s, claiming that there is safety in numbers. But only Sadie and Lissa are at the sleepover, since Sadie’s broke and can’t buy them things. Wait, what? Everyone is the WORST. Anyway, Sadie and T start bitching at one another, with Sadie asking if kissing Jake tastes like Jenna and T asking the same of the former Ricky-Sadie kisses. Then comes the best part of the episode: Sadie breaks out the spirit board. They ask the following questions to Ricky beyond the grave:
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Sadie: “Did you love me more than this BLEEP?” – YES
Tamara: “Were you attracted to Sadie’s manly appearance because you’re gay?” – YES
Sadie: “Did the thought of Tamara’s face put you in the grave?” – NO
Tamara: “Did Sadie shove you in there yourself?” – NO
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Both: “Did someone kill you?” – YES
Both: “Who killed you?!” — ?
Lissa’s given up and asks Jake for a ride home, informing him that Tamara isn’t leaving. She also claims that God is punishing her for losing her virginity in the summer. I assume there will be more on this later.
Back at Jenna’s, Matty and Jenna are making out with interruptions from Jenna discussing the private lives and possible family problems of porn stars. When Matty doesn’t share her concern, she says that maybe the actress doesn’t have a boyfriend’s house to run off to when things are hard—possibly hitting a bit too close to home for McKibbon. In other news, this episode is kind of boring.
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Sadie tries to get Tamara to sleep in a dog bed, but she’s not biting (ha!) because she has a bad back. Later on they wake up closer than they previously were, Tamara explaining her “cuddlebug” tendencies. They talk about the fact that Sadies broke, with Tamara explaining, “I have a big mouth! If you want me to keep quiet, you’re gonna have to threaten me.” Sadie then says if she says anything, she’ll find herself with a broken neck. She certainly took Tamara’s words seriously.
Jenna tries to talk to Matty through the door, thinking that he’s not opening the door because he’s masturbating. WRONG! He’s crying. He slams the door in her face, letting Jenna know that he is having more trouble living away from his family that she thought. Matty talks to Ma Lacey, who explains that he may have to help his mother figure out a way to talk to him, the way Jenna helped her after the letter fiasco. I love how wise Ma Lacey has gotten. Also the relationship between Matty and Ma Lacey. Matty makes the decision to move back home, awkwardly assuring Jenna that they are fine. Luckily, he showed up at her separate door a few minutes later claiming he forgot something. He kisses Jenna, reassuring both her (and us) that everything is actually fine.
Basically…
- Way not my favorite episode ever. I might argue that it’s the weakest so far.
- If Colin is ever to be looked at as another viable love interest for Jenna, he’s going to have to develop some sort of likeable quality.
- Tamara and Sadie should definitely reprise their wielding of the spirit board.
- Please do not let “mixing the creamer” become a thing, world. Please.
Check out the preview for next week’s Halloween episode! In May!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QCZn9QRM1B0
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