TV Recap: Awkward. 3×11-“Surprise!”

Previously on Awkward., AKA everything that happened in the first half of season three: Matty and Jenna finally get together! Their problems go from awkward sex talk with the parents to Jenna macking it with the close-talking, pretentious Colin. Ick. Sorry everyone, but I’m not over it. Tamara and Jake have sex but not enough screen time, and Ming defeats the conniving Becca and ends up as the leader of their school’s Asian Mafia.

Jenna’s decided to take control of her life and end her clandestine make out sessions with Colin, because it’s wrong. Clearly that actually means the two of them hook up in his car under the guise of a “closure kiss.” Tamara sees the indiscretion and is pissed—Jenna’s fantasy is supposed to be in her head. T compares it her “Five erections from One Direction in my direction” fantasy. I sincerely appreciate that the writers are still dedicated to giving Tamara highly amusing, borderline annoying rhymes based in pop culture. Tamara gives Jenna three options: A, Jenna breaks things off with Colin; B, Jenna tells Matty; or C, Tamara tells Matty, since her secret keeping ability is quite limited.

Ma Lacey and Val are plotting an ill-timed surprise party for Jenna. In order sto keep Jenna out of the house Friday afternoon, Val suggests, “I’ll take her to a dive bar, put a little bit of hair on her chest.” She knocks the plans down to some ceramics painting at Color Me Mine.

Ming confronts Jenna next. “What are you thinking, cheating on Matty?! You gotta shut that shit DOWN.” Thank you, Ming, for keeping it real. Jenna is annoyed at Tamara for telling someone, but Ming received the intel from the Asian mafia. Anyway, we’ll get back to Jenna’s lame indiscretion later. Fred Wu is back! He misses his Midwestern ceramics class (sure?) and Ming uses her newfound connections to enroll him in one.

And we’re back in writing class! Sadie confronts Jenna and Colin, calling them out on how obvious they are about their activities. When Mr. Hart confronts them, Sadie claims that they’re working on a character study—“Heinous wallflower to hideous skank.” Lol. I still vote Sadie for protagonist. Mr. Hart gives his support about examining an anti-hero, then drops his charade. “If you want to bully Ms. Hamilton, do it online. [Jenna], stop being a pussy.” BEST.

Meanwhile, at the lockers, Matty is being a gem and clandestinely asking Colin for help to buy a photograph for Jenna’s birthday. I’m at least happy to see that Colin seems to feel a healthy amount of guilt for what he and J are involved in—based on his character in the first part of the season, I would have expected a bit more douchier nonchalance. Either way their behavior sucks, but at least Colin isn’t entirely awful. I say this, however, this scene ends with Jenna and Colin making out in the hallway at school, begging to be caught.

Matty and Jake drop another secret on my girl T, who is binge eating to deal with all of the undisclosed information. Ming is using her mafia connections to pull fire alarms, so Fred Wu taps out, claiming that she’s well on her way to turning into Becca. Never fear! Fred Wu comes back at the end of the episode to declare his love as such: “I love you, and if that means I have to enjoy free things and not ask where they’re from, I will.” Yes!

Tamara had to spill something, so she told Jenna about her mother’s surprise party. It’s all fine, since Ma Lacey accidentally spoils it anyway. Ma Lacey accepts Jenna’s party decline, instead choosing to go away with Jenna’s hot dad to “celebrate the old fashioned way.” Jenna makes a horrified face, to which Lacey replies, “Oh, get your mind out of the gutter. We’re going to Sea World!” I found this both puzzling and hysterical.

Jenna’s in the middle of taking charge of her life by ending her thing with Colin when Colin walks up to Jenna, takes charge, and ends the cheating. Man. Why is he starting not to be the worst when he should be at his worst?

Matty found out about the canceled surprise party and volunteered to just chill with Jenna, but she refused his offer. Jenna heads to her house by herself, where Colin shows up to give Jenna a birthday present and request that they try to be friends. Friends that remain connected at the mouth, clearly, because the two of them practically roll into Jenna’s house kissing. And if you’ve seen any TV ever, you know that the canceled birthday party is actually “canceled” in order to really surprise Jenna. Everyone shouts surprise, and then their mouths drop to the floor. Surprise indeed.

This season on Awkward.: Jenna dresses like a hipster! And smokes pot. More importantly, Matty punches Colin!

What did you think of the episode? Are you into this whole cheating storyline? Will anyone join my campaign for Sadie to be protagonist now that Jenna won’t stop making awful life choices? I’d be open to Ming too. Let us know in the comments!