TV Review: Awkward. 4×08-“Prison Breaks”

Previously on Awkward.: Jenna gave Matty her unnecessary, patronizing blessing to date Eva. Sadie and Austin split. Matty and Jake got arrested.

After their disastrous night out, Jenna wants to redeem it by going to SCU to spend the night with “college men”—after all, Luke and his bed are the perfect remedy to her troubles. Sadie refuses: “The only thing worse than getting dumped is an Eat, Pray, Suck road trip with you two morons. Good luck with Crossroads 2.” Jenna’s unfazed by Sadie’s comments, but shocked to find a girl straddling Luke’s back on his bed. The duo explains that the aforementioned girl is Luke’s lesbian best friend Shane, but not before Tamara verbally eviscerates them both.

Jenna and Luke sit down in the packed common room. Jenna immediately goes in for the make out, but Luke’s hitting the books. They go up to the roof for some privacy, where our Miss J pulls the flip flop doorstop out of the door, trapping them on the roof. Luke is peeved. “Jenna, you just don’t understand how important my studying is, you’re still in high school.” A) PUH-LEASE, your self-importance is gross. B) Luke had time for his shirtless massage, so I don’t buy this nonsense. He takes back his comments, explaining he’s stressed because he’s on scholarship. She declares him perfect once more and wants to be the perfect girlfriend. They study and hook up on the roof until a maintenance worker rescues them in the morning.

Tamara seeks reprieve from the gross college boys with Shane. They bond over the unsanitary nature of boys, their love of office supplies, and their superior time management skills. “Never send a man to do a woman’s job,” Shane says when Tamara described Jakeara’s intimacy issues, setting their hook up in motion.

Tamara isn’t she and Shane had sex, but she knows something happened: “I saw Jesus surfing a rainbow colored star.” Jenna starts to inquire about Tamara’s sexuality. “Heteroflexible? Maybe, probably not. This is kind of like when I tried wearing a blazer for a week. It works on Ellen, not so much on me.”

And now, ladies and gentlemen, the most ridiculous storyline to ever grace Awkward: Matty and Jake locked up in the county jail. At most, they would have ended up in the drunk tank. Also, someone at the police station would have figured out who they actually were, regardless of their fake I.D.s. Matty would rather die than call Jenna for help, so they try Sadie. She hears the collect call recording and hangs up. “Not tonight, Ally. Get out of another drunk driving sitch yourself….HOLY FUCK, you escaped! Do you have any idea how much trouble you’re in?” she said, as Ally looked on in confusion. Jenna too, ignores Jake’s call. Their conflicts while in lock up: Jake can’t go to the bathroom in public, Matty gets called out by an inmate about the dramatics of finding out he’s adopted.

Jake is shocked to find out their visitor is Sadie and relays the previous night’s escapade. “That bitch ditched? I am going to fucking kill her,” Sadie says. She tells Jake to give up their fakes, since their being minors means they can’t be held. If the cops give them a hard time, she’ll tweet the L.A. Times about their incompetence.

Eva goes to Jenna for help, but Jenna refuses since she “can’t be Matty’s savior anymore,” instead directing Eva to contact Matty’s brother. Eva goes to county, finding the recently freed Matty and Jake outside. She tells Matty how rude Jenna was, saying that she told her to go ask Matty’s “drug addict brother” (what a LIAR). Meanwhile, Jenna pontificates about cutting people out of her life while smelling Luke’s sweatshirt. VOM.

Next week on Awkward.: Jenna’s about to send in her college application, which she thinks will seal her future with Luke. Doesn’t she have to get in first? She tells Matty to go get his essay from her computer himself. He does, with Eva in tow. Jenna and Tamara then find underwear that does not belong to Jenna in her bed. ICK.

“Jail Breaks” was not a good episode. Most of it was unbelievable and didn’t even serve as entertaining filler. The Jake/Matty storyline is ridiculous, and I’m already tired of hearing Jenna wax poetic about her new beau. The saving graces were Tamara’s fluid, casual attitude about sexuality and of course, every pop culture reference-laden word that came out of Sadie’s mouth.

Episode Rating: 4/10