I can’t even begin to cover what happened in the first part of Dallas‘s third season, so let’s jump right in.
Light ‘Em Up
Our beloved South Fork is ablaze! Bobby and Christopher drag an unconscious Beau out of the house. Heather, Beau’s ex-wife/baby mama and Christopher’s current lady friend, doesn’t believe that Beau set the fire. Christopher is dead set on his arrest, but changes his tune once Heather and Beau’s son thanks him for saving his dad.
The Threesome Gone Wrong
When we last left John Ross, Emma, and Pamela, their sinister threesome had ground to a screeching halt due to a medical emergency. John Ross and Emma discover Pamela’s empty pill bottle, causing the paramedics to ask some questions about her past suicide attempts.
At the hospital, the already stressed Bobby and Christopher verbally eviscerate John Ross and Emma for Pamela’s overdose. John Ross turns on Emma, thinking that she sent the sex tape to Pamela. Emma has no idea what he’s talking about and makes the very important point that she didn’t force the pills down Pamela’s throat or herself on John Ross (coercion isn’t the same, after all). John Ross ends their affair, Emma’s appeal for their business relationship falling on deaf ears.
John Ross approaches Bobby with his regrets, but doesn’t know how to pick his moments. “That’s what you do, John Ross. You justify. And then you ignore all the destruction in your wake,” he says. “Words are cheap. You are what you do. You want to be a better man. Be one.” Mic drop.
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John Ross visits Pamela in the hospital. He tells her he never loved Emma and asks for a second chance, presenting her with her plastic ring from Vegas. Pamela tosses the ring in the trash. Her “suicide attempt” wasn’t what everybody thought: “I did what I did so that every time you think about screwing that piece of trash, you’ll think of me on the floor with my eyes rolling back in my head. Sexy, huh? Now get out.” Well, Pamela just owned everyone and is awarded our first weekly Crown of Substantial Melodrama.
This Show Is Starting To Feel Like Weeds Season Five
Elena and Nicholas’s post-coital bliss is interrupted by news of the South Fork fire. Side note: I’m very concerned about Nicholas tampering with Elena’s diaphragm, but more on that when it blows up later in the season.
When Elena rushes to the hospital, Nicholas goes to his shady business. Oh look, this week he’s got Elena’s brother Drew locked in a room so he can pace until he calms down. Nicholas and his minion need Ewing Global to takeover the Mexican government. I love when villainous dudes are so frank about their plans; it makes it so much easier to keep track of their dastardliness.
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Back at the hospital, John Ross asks Elena if she thinks he’s a sociopath. “We all make questionable choices,” she says, clearly thinking of her own guilt. When John Ross mentions the video of him and Emma, you can see the lightbulb of dreaded recognition ding over Elena’s head. John Ross takes his leave and Elena leaves a furious voicemail on Nicholas’s phone.
The Brothel Madam’s Latest Schemes
Judith, brothel madam and mother to scumbag Harris Ryland, confronts Harris about the kiss he shared with Ann. She blows up Ann’s spot with Bobby, as Ann had neglected to mention that recent event. Bobby is furious that Ann has once again lied to him. Ann apologizes, but Bobby needs some time to figure things out.
Judith isn’t done, and I can’t help but admire her conniving nature a bit. She convinces a devastated Emma to come back with her. Emma is convinced everyone thinks she’s stupid for loving John Ross, but Judith waves it aside. “Turn that hurt into vengeance!” she advises, for some reason reminding me of Ursula the sea witch. Fingers cross that those two become the evil dream team.
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Who Doesn’t Like A Boozy Ex-Politician?
Sue Ellen sits in her hospital bed, remembering all the booze she drank back at South Fork before the fire started. Bobby interrupts to inform her of Pamela’s overdose. She has an oddly positive reaction–Pamela can use this as an excuse to break away from John Ross. Speak of the devil! John Ross comes to visit his mama, but Sue Ellen immediately throws him out of her room.
Sue Ellen returns to her memories. In her drunken haze, she torched John Ross and Pamela’s wedding invitation, ostensibly causing the South Fork fire. She confesses her accidental crime to Bobby, Ann, and Christopher. “I’m an alcoholic,” she admits. “And I will be until I die.” Her confession is a big personal step for her and lets Beau off the hook with the cops.
Goodnight, Goodnight
Drew considers himself responsible for setting the fire, as he sprayed air freshener on the curtains and plugged in a bunch of flammable air fresheners. He had arson intent, but Sue Ellen actually lit the match—I’m curious about where this would fall in court. Drew levels with Nicholas—he knows he’s not long for this world. Nicholas wastes very little time in having him shot in the head.
Damn, Dallas. You know how to bring the drama in a mid-season premiere. It looks like we’re in for a wild ride for this half of the season.
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