Jenna has a clear guy slate—that is, if you don’t count her involvement with the wildly popular Dude Database. Matty questions her contribution, but Jenna balks. “#FabAbs? I’d like to think I’m more creative than that,” she says. Gabby makes fun of “player” status; being labeled #MagicMatty and #ManWhoreMcKibben is giving Matty a whole lot of attention he didn’t ask for. To prove that he is a dude that dates, Matty asks Gabby to a mini golf double date. Matty then has to bribe Sadie and Sergio to actually go on said date.
Owen thanks Jenna for her Dude Database rating (#SecretHottieWithABody) with a kiss on the cheek. When Jenna realizes that Tamara saw their exchange, Jenna immediately spills about her New Year’s Eve hookup with Owen and their subsequent sleeping together. Tamara has a revelation of her own—she was the one who hashtagged Owen after they hooked up. UH OH.
Jenna’s all, “Owen’s great but not for me!” and our girl T is sick of her patronizing attitude. Jenna bitches Owen out for using Tamara to get back at Jenna, which is pretty self-centered of her. Owen sets the record straight—he hooked up with Tamara because he thinks she’s amazing, not to hurt Jenna.
Over at Tamara’s, Jenna apologizes for oversharing, claiming that Owen is hung up on her in the process. Wrong answer. Owen’s there and he tells Tamara about Jenna’s verbal assault in the hallway. “He terror-spilled it out of fear for his young life!” Tamara says before railing against Jenna for thinking that everything is about her. I can’t fault Tamara here.
Lissa, still dealing with family drama, is trying to understand “straight heaven” and “gay heaven” (thanks annoying hipster dudes) when Sadie snaps. She threatens Lissa into secrecy before explaining that love is the only important thing and anyone who says that gay people go to hell is an asshole. That didn’t come from God, it came from Lissa’s douchebag parents. I love that the writers make it a point to show that even though Sadie is harsh to everyone, she does care about her friends.
Mini-golf: Matty and Gabby are so confident in their victory that Sadie makes it her mission to destroy them. They end up losing, but only after Matty makes a bet for himself—if he makes the shot, Gabby has to kiss him. He ends up making it and she’s pissed that his skills improve when a hookup is on the line.
“I give up, you win,” Matty says. According to Gabby, that’s precisely the problem—Matty can’t take a challenge, anything that doesn’t come easy he gives up on. Gabby’s annoyed that Matty has been trying too hard to convince her that he’s a good guy, while Matty is annoyed that Gabby believes the hashtags.
Jake surprises his cougar dressed as a “studly plumber” (his words, not mine). When she raises an eyebrow, Jake starts whining that he’s never the bad boy. He’s the take home to mom type, but wants to be hashtag hit-it-and-quit-it just once! Lord. Remember when Jake wasn’t such a joke to this show?
Val’s having an exercise to get all the hate out into the open—think the assembly scene from Mean Girls, only without the wisdom of Tina Fey. Let’s hear from the kids:
Sadie: “I hate this lame exercise… You’re a fake teacher and you should be fired again.”
Lissa: “I hate that God is an asshole!”
Jake: “I don’t hate anything.”
Jenna to Tamara: “I hate that you think you’re second best!”
The girls admit that they’re jealous of one another and celebrate each other’s amazingness instead. Val interrupts their touching moment. “Clearly this isn’t working, I’m going to throw in a puberty video.” See what I’m saying about the lack of Tina Fey wisdom?
In order to anonymously atone for the Dude Database, Jenna and Tamara add in positive hashtags amidst the negative ones. This isn’t enough for J (I mean, rightly so), and Tamara’s command to not delete it falls on deaf ears. Jenna deletes it, sending a message to everyone who has been on it that she was the one to do so. UH OH. Oh J, just once you should learn to listen to your friend.
Episode Rating: 8/10