“Ugh, you brought Lil Bitch?” Ally says, a look of disgusted disappointment on her face. Nothing’s going to rain on Jenna’s parade—she got into college! Everyone’s excited for her but Sadie: “Better soak up some rays and bask in your complacency to prepare for a life of desperate mediocrity.” Sadie’s upset; Jenna is basking in her college acceptance while she has yet to hear back about her scholarship for Columbia. Sergio confronts her about the hostility: “I worry about my future all the time, I just don’t make the whole world suffer for it,” he says. “No matter what happens, a smart, beautiful girl like you will be just fine.” Sergio has become a pretty solid dude.
Val and Ally are curious about why Jake is packing a cooler. When he says he’s going to the beach, Ally scoffs. “Why? You got alcohol, sun, pool right here. God, I hate children who don’t know how to party.” The hipsters show up carting a party favor: Lissa, masquerading as Courtney Love’s early years. Her mother had been keeping her locked in the house so she could atone for her sins, but the hipsters broke her out. She no longer cares about Jesus if he doesn’t want her to be with Tyler!
Matty apologizes to Jenna and asks her to come with him to meet his biological father. “It seemed more and more by ‘let’s enjoy spring break together,’ Matty meant together together.” Jenna, I don’t think you’re right in your assessment.
A group of Harajuku girls runs into Jake and Tamara, freaking out. “Oh my god, they think we’re Peeta and Katniss,” Tamara says excitedly. Turns out that Jake and Tamara are big in Japan! They’re going to make another video with the assistance of the hipsters. “Based on my scientific market research, i.e., those screaming Japanese girls on the beach, they don’t give a rat’s ass about those whorish girls in bikinis and are all about my Harajuku-adjacent style.” They consider why they broke up, wondering if they should get back together and give the people what they want. They’re back off when Tyler translates the horrible comments under their YouTube video.
Being bad agrees with Lissa, her hair game is ON POINT. “I fell from grace into a big old pile of sin and I LOVE IT,” she explains to Tyler when he arrives. The adult folk get ready for a night on the town, but Jenna’s content to stay at the house, basking in the glory of her college acceptance and day with Matty tomorrow. At least, until Gabby shows up. Ma Lacey wants to know what went down with Matty. When Jenna spills, Ma Lacey requests that she not spend the rest of her high school existence hung up on Matty, she should live in the moment instead.
“We saw what you call a donkey show,” Val explains the next morning, ridiculously hungover. Ally nods. “It was the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen that I was not a participant in.” Lissa tells them that the world is full of disgusting things, they just need to get over it. She and Tyler leave to have sex. They aren’t enthused with the results. Lissa and Tyler realize that it was the “forbidden” part of their forbidden love that made them attracted to one another.
Sadie and Sergio are laying in bed when she gets the email about her scholarship. “Goodbye Palos Hills, HELLO NEW YORK CITY! Pretty soon it will have just been a bad dream” she exclaims. Sergio isn’t happy. “Some of us like it here,” he argues. “Some of us are stupid,” she responds. Ouch. Sergio confronts Sadie about her bitchy attitude. “Why not try a little harder to be nice while you have me around?” She agrees, then proclaims him to be a lot of work. Sergio lifts an eyebrow at that. I kind of love them?
Jenna meets some dude on the beach, a marine shipping out for his first tour who wants to study marine biology. Jenna’s impressed by his life goals and gives him her number.
Meanwhile, Gabby and Matty are up in San Diego trying to find Matty’s dad, who seems like he might be a dud. Matty and Gabby return and explain the visit to everyone. Matty seems pained during Gabby’s enthusiastic explanation, but Jenna won’t go talk to him.
It takes about two hours for Jenna to decide that regardless of what happened, Matty needed to talk to someone. Matty doesn’t want to talk–Gabby is right down the hall, and they can’t keep falling into old habits. She’s fiiiiine with it. Just fine. She can close the door on him too! That certainly sounds “fine.” LORD.
Episode Rating: 6/10