Welcome back to my weekly review/recap of the most ridiculous show on television, Empire. Previous posts here.
It’s almost safe to say that Empire has lost its touch. There was more mama-drama packed into “Time Shall Unfold” than I think viewers really had the capacity to stand. After this episode it’s pretty obvious Empire show runners are looking to tie up loose strings just to loosen some more.
In a “wow I should have expected this” twist, viewers find out that Lucious’s mom who apparently killed herself, didn’t actually do that. Lucious keeps her locked up in a nursing home and pays her off on the regular. Kelly Rowland must be avenged.
Meanwhile, Boo-Boo Kitty, aka pregnant Anika, reveals she’s having Hakeem’s baby to Andre and Rhonda after they catch her losing her lunch in the bathroom. (Note: I feel as though Anika already told Rhonda she was pregnant, but this reveal is written as though it’s a big twist).
Anyway, the shit hits the fan when Rhonda and Andre take it upon themselves to give Anika the shocking reveal she needs, and it sure does the trick. In a scene straight out of Maury, viewers could practically hear: “Hakeem, you are the father.”
In a not-so-subtle move by Empire writers, Anika tries to save the explosive doom that’s settled upon the Lyon family, and the sheer rage raising Cookie’s eyebrows up, by revealing she is having a boy, which means a new heir to the Lyon den.
Jamal, coming through for every viewer since day one, responds: “This family uses the word ‘heir’ like we’re in a Shakespearean play.”
You tell ’em, Jamal. Now actually do something about it for once.
In a typical Lucious move, he later tells Anika she better keep her mouth shut in exchange for $10 million, but Anika swears on her extremely ridiculous life that all she wants for this baby is to have a family. It’s funny, because she (probably) took that away from Rhonda and Andre. But, she refuses the money and straight up threatens that she’d go to the FBI with what she knows — a ton of dirt about Lucious. On the other hand, Anika is having her ex-stepson’s child and my head hurts.
Also in this episode, we’ve got Hakeem vs. Lucious on a whole other level. Lucious is still fuming about losing his position as CEO to Hakeem, which influences his decisions to: 1. Plant drugs in Tiana and Lauren’s tour bus, and then tip off the police, resulting in a no-show disaster, and 2. Gives the tip to Thirsty and his friends that the huge announcement at the shareholders meeting is that Saks is releasing Antony & Cleopatra; obviously, Thirsty and co. break in and take every stitch of clothing.
Jamal is stuck between A-list/barber Freda Gatz after Cookie flat out says that she doesn’t want Freda anywhere near her sons. And what Cookie wants, Cookie usually gets.
Stacee Run-Run (really?) another A-list rapper/sans-barber makes an appearance on Jamal’s new album instead, but makes it a point that she’s got to be the only female rapper on the entire album. Jamal expresses condolences to Freda and she’s like, “Nah, it’s cool,” and then goes and cuts some hair.
There’s also a brief moment of blinding rage on my side as a viewer. There is nothing I hate more than when Empire glosses over traumatic events that occurs between family members. First it was Jamal and Lucious, Hakeem and Cookie and now Andre and Lucious.
In a completely irresponsible and plain stupid move, Empire writers glossed over the entire moment last week where Lucious basically tells Andre he might as well be dead and then proceeds to cover it up with a supposed-to-be moment of tenderness between Lucious and Andre.
While also standing over Lucious’s supposed dead mother’s grave. Then, the icing on the cake: Andre proceeds to talk to his grandmother’s headstone and tells her that science has made things better for people like them.
In a moment that could and should have been important, it’s overruled by the resounding sound of Lucious’s pounding gavel of hate and deception.
Also, when is Hakeem going to tell Lauren he’s going to be a dad? Oh, and that he’s not CEO anymore? (We all saw that coming).
Like I said, Empire ties up loose strings just to loosen some more.