Better update your summer box office predictions. One of the most anticipated blockbusters of 2022, Owen Wilson’s superhero comedy Secret Headquarters, will no longer roll out in theaters on August 5. Instead of enjoying that late-summer gold mine of a release date, Paramount will dump—sorry, premiere—the new film everyone has definitely heard about on their streaming service, Paramount+.
Doctor Strange can breathe a sigh of relief. The film—which stars Owen Wilson (best known of course for Wonder), Michael Peña, and Jesse Williams—follows a kid who discovers the secret headquarters of the world’s most powerful superhero hidden beneath his home. Sounds cool and original, right? About time someone made a superhero movie with kids in it. Well, you better fire up that Paramount+ password you borrowed from that total nerd last summer for Infinite.
This is also a crushing blow for theater-hungry fans of the directors, Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman, who turned more than a few heads with that Netflix movie Project Power, along with most of the Paramount Activity movies that didn’t fully suck, at least the first time you watched them.
We’re tired of the secrets from Paramount headquarters.
So why would Paramount leave this much money on the table? Our team of investigators have countless leads, the top contender being their unanimous, unflinching, and maybe even alarming support around Paws of Fury: The Legend of Hank, which will surely crush those Minion weirdos globally in July. Well, the official explanation from our exclusive source—Tanya Giles, chief programming officer for Paramount Streaming—who sent this information to a completely different outlet (Deadline), had this to say:
“We have seen tremendous success with our high-quality kids and family content, and are excited to add this special superhero movie to our growing slate of Paramount+ original films. Secret Headquarters is the perfect action-packed summer film for the whole family, making it a perfect fit for Paramount+ and our mountain of entertainment geared toward the whole household.”
Consider our doubts quelled! Naturally, all eyes have been on the big Paramount movie of the summer. No, not that record-breaking Tom Cruise movie, Maverick whatever. That’s right, Jerry & Marge Go Large will be the one to beat, which stars Bryan Cranston and Annette Bening in a comedy based on (you guessed it) a HuffPost article. Wait, just got a Gchat that Jerry & Marge Go Large will also drop on Paramount+. Secret’s out, Owen!
Secret Headquarters will be available to stream on Paramount+ starting August 5. There is no trailer yet, because obviously?