TV Review: Awkward 4×01, “No Woman Is An Island”

Last season on Awkward.:  Matty and Jenna were finally in a relationship, but the writers succumbed to the relationship plot curse and immediately tore them apart by having Jenna cheat on him with Colin. She proceeded to destroy her own life. Sadie’s parents were skint and absent, so she was put in stepmother Ally’s care. Jake and Tamara had the same fight all season and nothing was resolved. Jenna came out of her downward spiral and wants Matty again, but Matty wants Jenna’s new friend Bailey. Rather than devolve into a pool of petty jealousy, Jenna declared she didn’t need a man—she could dance on her own.

Dream filter! Jenna’s newfound sense of empowerment is bringing all the boys to the yard  and things with DreamMatty are getting…intimate. Just as she hits the climax, so to speak, her parents wake her up with a sign that says “SENIOR YEAR, GET IT!” and our first dose of true awkwardness is upon us.

My girl Sadie is back and better than ever. Sporting a smile, she heckles Jenna about the morning’s incident: “How embarrassing. It must make you want to kill yourself. Better luck next time!” Her crowning glory, however, was her response when two blondes snarked about her car: “FYI, you’re looking a little brassy. Probably best not to buy your blonde from the 99 cent store. Although, if you embrace it and get matching tramp stamps and implants, you’ll be all ready for your lucrative careers hanging from poles at the Spearmint Rhino. You’re welcome!” Molly Tarlov’s delivery on these lines was flawless.

The class picture brings us a new face and the loss of an old one—an emo Fred Wu laments the loss of his girlfriend Ming, who is explained away by an out-of-state boarding school. A new blonde girl named Eva takes on the scene with a lot of slow motion action that I think is supposed to show us that everyone finds her attractive.

Class rankings are leaked Gossip Girl-style, leading Jenna to panic when she finds out she’s #137.  Val instructs Jenna to work on her brand, her own being “empathetic hipster with deep thoughts and distractingly sexy legs who gives out so much sugar no one notices she’s mainlining the medicine.” She tasks J with pulling her grades up, retaking the SATs, joining extracurricular activities, and dropping and giving her ten as penance for last season’s heinous behavior. Jenna fails to join several clubs and ends up being the equipment manager for the cheer squad or, as Sadie calls her, “bitch slave.”

Matty wants financial freedom from his divorcing parents, so he takes a job as eye candy at the mall’s Preston and Boone store. At work he tells Jenna that Bailey moved, but he can’t be sure because they haven’t spoken in months. Jenna’s hopes skyrocket. While Jenna works on her college essays, Matty stops by to ask for help with his. Upset that he wanted her for her brain instead of a booty call (sigh, Jenna), Jenna bitches him out and sends him packing.

Tamara is stressed to the max, her role as class president and her inability to have an orgasm while having sex with Jake wearing thin on her nerves. She and Jake have an (impressively) honest conversation about the issue and try to adjust the experience during the Senior Sleepover. Frustrated with the lack of results, they accidentally activate the loudspeaker and broadcast their sex life problems to the whole senior class. Tamara seems to have solved her problems with an electric toothbrush, which EW.

Everything isn’t as sunny in Sadie-land as earlier in the episode had us believe—she loses cheer captain to Lissa, who ran back from her African missionary work with a new 18-year-old British-accented brother named Mogabo/Tyler to be at cheer practice. She’s secretly working at a German food truck (dressed in a full dirndl) and is discovered by Jenna. Her twitter wasn’t profitable, her parents were still poor, and the Benz she had been driving earlier in the episode was actually Ally’s. Jenna offers her a ride home, but Sadie won’t even dignify it with an answer.

The episode closes with Jenna apologizing to Matty, helping him with his essay, and a hookup. I can’t focus on the Jenna/Matty moment since I’m too riddled with anxiety over the laptop that Matty tossed casually to the side. That’s your computer, Matty!

“No Woman is an Island” was a strong start to season four after the less-than-thrilling season three. The writers have introduced new problems for Jenna, Matty, Tamara, and Jake rather than rehashing the old ones. I am concerned that they’re bringing back the old Matty-is-ashamed-of-Jenna storyline based on the season preview, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.  New characters Eva and Tyler seem intriguing rather than irksome. Most importantly: they really brought it when it came to the Sadie snark.

Episode rating: 7.5/10