John Quincy Adams Middle School is like its Boy Meets World predecessor John Adams High School, a learning institution that has the means to televise its morning announcements. Big news: thanks to his paper on the orange dancing spider (ick), Farkle has been nominated for a Buggie Award. “I’m telling the world: Farkle must finally choose between his sweet angel whose smile lights a path to goodness or my dark demon who unleashes something in me so terrifying, I really want to know what it is,” Farkle explains, motioning towards Riley and Maya in turn.
In history class, Cory is going on about the greatest ally of the United States: Canada. He points out that Canada is often overlooked since we as Americans take the country for granted. I’m sensing a really obvious life lesson steamrolling towards us.
In order to better inform his decision, Farkle speed dates Riley and Maya. He gives each of the best friends a gift—Maya receives her skateboard from her accident at his eighth birthday party (the only time he’s seen her cry), while Riley receives Hazel the hippo, a stuffed animal he gave to her when she had her tonsils out. She had lost it, but he bought a spare. The girls are starting to warm to Farkle when their dates are interrupted by two dudes who get too close for comfort. Farkle comes to their rescue, scaring the shit out of the hoodlums with his pocket tarantula (ICK). The girls are very grateful. “I’m Canada,” Farkle says. “I’m a little taken for granted, but I’m always there for you.” Hey, I knew that lesson was going to very blatantly come in somewhere!
In order to prevent fighting, Riley and Maya agree to not attempt to sway Farkle in any way. They immediately break their promise. Maya presents Farkle with an Arizona Blonde tarantula—the perfect mate for Farkle’s pocket tarantula. Except Farkle yells, “SHE BIT HIS HEAD OFF. Oh my good heaven, “SHE BIT HIS HEAD OFF!” Maya’s unfazed: “Just like our lives are going to be together!” I cannot wait until Maya and Farkle get together for real. In order to prove her devotion, Riley puts the Arizona Blonde tarantula on her head, which is HORRIFYING. Too much bug in this episode.
The Apartment Matthews: we are finally introduced to Ava’s mother, a woman who is just as polite as her daughter, only worse because she’s a grown ass lady. After a stream of condescension, Topanga asks Judy if she’s British since she’s speaking with a weird accent. “No, I’m just better than everyone else,” she responds. Judy is being introduced as the newest member of Topanga’s book club. This week they’re discussing Murray the Marvelous Moose.
“Murray the Moose realized it is much better to be who you are rather than somebody else, even if your fake British mother wants you to be,” Auggie explains, letting Judy know what Topanga really thinks of her. The Parents Matthews act out the story, much to the delight of the children. When Judy tries to drag Ava away, she fights her on it. Ava prefers it when Topanga throws her out and slams the door in her face, so Topanga obliges.
Riley’s window seat: the girls are fighting, and Farkle can’t take it. He loves them both and doesn’t want to hurt either of them, so he decides not to take either. The girls lament their treatment of Farkle, vowing to never settle for anyone less than him in the future. Cut to the Buggie Awards, where Jane Lynch is hosting and saying things like “Here to present the award for Best Terrarium Design, Liam Hemsworth and Anna Kendrick’s…science teacher!” Riley and Maya make their appearance, taking their place as Farkle’s dates. Smackle, making her second appearance in the series, takes home the Golden Buggy, but can’t truly enjoy her moment with Riley and Maya there. The best friends claim to be Canada, and that they’re never going to take Farkle for granted ever again. And then they sing part of the Canadian national anthem, because why not?