TV Review: The Royals (1×03) “We Are Pictures, Or Mere Beasts”

The Situation: London’s Fashion Week

Fashion Week: A.K.A., another week that makes everyone totally bonkers. Eleanor and Helena plan rival fashion shows, while Simon attempts to bore Liam to death with various kingly duties.

Introducing Nick

Despite having ended things with Prince Liam last week, Ophelia is being chased by paparazzi. Nick, a classmate who arranges the music she dances to, rescues her and gives her a ride home. Knowing her former involvement with the Prince, Nick adorably pursues Ophelia with flirty texts and one of those fake glasses/nose/moustache combination.

Helena Vs. Eleanor: Fashion Show Edition

Unhappy with Eleanor’s latest leak to the tabloids, Helena insists that Eleanor hurting the family’s reputation is only hurting herself. Without the monarchy, Eleanor will be totally useless—she’s only good at “ingesting other people’s drugs and being somewhat attractive.” That was way harsh, Helena. Eleanor decides to prove her mother wrong by holding her own fashion show at the same time as her mother’s annual one. Helena steals her daughter’s location, falling directly into Eleanor’s trap: now she’s free to hold hers at the Palace.

Eleanor’s show is a hit—she’s met with a standing ovation and high praise from the press. Her mother congratulates her, then reveals that she planted the reviews to undercut her daughter’s accomplishment.

Liam’s Noble Intentions

Simon brings Liam to an Anti-Monarchist meeting, citing the need to hear all opinions. The Anti-Monarchist leader admits that Simon is a great king, but people like Liam are the reason they’re fighting against it. Ouch.

Eleanor and Liam go out with Gemma to escape their most recent stress. Gemma, driving drunk and making other poor life choices, crashes their car through a phone booth. Marcus insists on extraction protocol to protect Liam’s reputation, but Liam won’t leave Gemma behind. Jasper punches him, effectively knocking him out and ending the argument. Gemma encourages everyone who’s not unconscious to leave her, despite having to deal with the mess alone.

Jasper apologizes to Liam the next day with Eleanor’s support—she doesn’t want him to be thrown out of the game before she can beat him. When summoned to the King, Liam listens guiltily as Simon explains how happy he is that Liam wasn’t in the car with Gemma and how proud he is of Liam’s recent work.

The End of Liam/Ophelia Before They Really Start?

While Gemma and Ophelia are talking at Eleanor’s fashion show, Ophelia spots a blonde model—Gemma explains that her name is Tiara, and that she has sex with Liam sometimes. It doesn’t bother Gemma, of course; Liam is the heir to the throne, women love power, and Liam loves women.

Liam pulls Ophelia aside, telling her about his part in the accident and how he lied by omission to his father. She’s mildly disgusted that Liam left Gemma to deal with the accident on her own, but Liam just says “Extraction protocol,” rather than explain that the choice was taken away from him.

Some Of The Lamer Points:

• Cyrus’s Desperation Continues to Bore Me
  From getting himself good and coked up to go kill his brother to bitterly throwing his role in cleaning up Gemma’s accident in Liam’s face, Cyrus is doing everything to prove himself tiresome.
• Helena’s Aiming For The Bad Mom Award
  Helena claims that Eleanor needs an adversary to motivate her, but her actions go way too far.
• Liam’s Kingly Duties
  …are a bore. I found it difficult to focus on his scenes before he decided to go out with Eleanor.

On the Plus Side:

• Nick Provides An Awesome, Normal Foil To Liam
  I could 100% get behind Nick and Ophelia, which is a shame, since I don’t see them lasting very long. I appreciate the writers gave Ophelia an alternate love interest that was actually likeable.
• Helena’s Abysmal Behavior Brings Out the Good in Jasper
  Despite Jasper’s blackmail, he’s supportive of Eleanor’s accomplishment and doesn’t want her mother to take it away from her, claiming that she can’t be the source of all the praise “British orphan or American grafter, all I know is that I’m lying about something—the queen is lying about everything.” Eleanor and Jasper’s relationship falls into the totally messed up, morally grey pool, but I’m kind of digging it.
• Cyrus May Have an Interesting Story Yet
  “The spare who sleeps around, drinks to excess, walks away from an accident, and then lies about it. No, you’re nothing like me,” Cyrus says to Liam, bitter about Liam’s new opportunities. Hmm. Walks away from an accident, you say? I’m intrigued.

I’m impressed by the ability of The Royals to introduce consistently interesting new characters; both Gemma and Nick have been welcome additions to the cast, providing great foils to Ophelia and Liam. They’re doing a good job with the slow build of Eleanor and Jasper’s relationship as well—I only wish they were developing Helena and Simon’s storylines as consistently.

Episode Rating: 7/10