Tonight’s awkward Awkward. opener is courtesy of the Parents Hamilton: Jenna and Tamara sit down to enjoy a post-engagement Sex and the City marathon party, to find out that Kevin has sorted his Sex and the City-inspired porn in with the regular DVDs. Hello, therapy!
Tamara decides that Adam was probably her Mr. Big, meaning screwing up their relationship has ruined the rest of her life. Jenna convinces her that she has time to fix it, but insists that now is not the time. Don’t worry, Jenna isn’t being entirely altruistic–she wants Tamara around so that she doesn’t think about Matty. Tamara is annoyed that Jenna is standing in the way, so she calls her a relationship saboteur. Tamara takes her leave to go find Adam.
Jake shows up at Jenna’s door in an attempt to find a drunken Gabby. Perturbed by Tamara’s assessment, Jenna asks if she was the reason they broke up. Jake says it was because she wasn’t honest to him, but he didn’t hold it against her because that’s how she treated everyone. Jenna is horrified, mostly because she doesn’t know a thing about herself anymore.
Cut to Jenna’s Sex and the City-inspired dream, where the ladies of Awkward. tell Jenna to interview her exes in order to make a decision about Matty.
- College dude Luke informs Jenna that they broke up because she couldn’t drag herself away from Matty’s drama–even though Luke had traveled all that way to see her at her high school’s ski trip.
- Sophomore Owen explains that they broke up because she never listened to him or was actually into their relationship; she was only with him because she was sad over Matty and not getting into college.
- Douchebag Colin makes an appearance (JOY) says that she was dating him because he was totally different than Matty and he made her feel smart. He then prattles on about his novel, pretentiously assessing that she “wouldn’t understand.” The best part of his appearance is when Jenna says that dating him was a “temporary psychosis” on her part. At least she knows this now!
- Matty shows up: “I still want to be with you–do you still want to be with me?”
IN SUM: all of Jenna’s relationships are driven by or lead back to Matty McKibben. Please stand up if you are AT ALL SURPRISED.
Tamara gets the shock of her life when Drunk Gabby pops up in the backseat of her car. When she arrives at the base, we learn that Adam hasn’t picked up any of her phone calls or texts–and that no one is allowed on base between midnight and 6 a.m. Tamara is content to sit there and wait all night, but Gabby decides to make shit happen on her own. She fake cries, scaring the guard with her lady tears and getting him to bring Adam down to meet them.
When Adam meets them, Tamara prattles on about herself, saying nothing but things like “I’m like Betsy Ross in a miniskirt.” Adam firmly says that she’s full of shit, offended that she took his grandmother’s ring but never intended to marry him. Gabby instructs Tamara to actually apologize rather than lean on just being cute.
Tamara catches Adam on his run, giving back his grandmother’s ring and giving him a tearful apology. She says that she never should have agreed, but didn’t want to lose him. She asks to start over, and he declines. Jake and Gabby comfort her, a nice moment that is ruined when Jake asks if they want to get a room.
At this point, watching almost a whole episode devoted to Jenna exploring her feelings for Matty was just a few steps shy of torture. It’s sad that Jenna’s entire storyline and thought process is all about Matty again, when she’s had realizations in the past about who she is and who she wants to be. However, good points included Sadie using the words “Baberham Lincoln” and Jenna’s utter disgust that she ever dated Douchebag Colin.
Episode Rating: 3/10.