Cats. They’re cats. They’re furry and dance well. Cats. They’re cats! Welcome to Cats hell.
They dance like humans, look like humans, but are…still…cats, though I can’t tell?
Taylor. Swift. She’s the cat who is not nice! Rebel. Wilson. The large one who eats mice?
Their mission is to be angelical…Yes, they call it Jellicle…But is the quest logical? No dice!
Francesca. Hayward. The kitten named Victoria. Jennifer. Hudson. The legend, Grizabella.
They sing their strife, they yearn for life, but the villain is Idris Elba.
The sets. They’re large! So the actors look very small…The songs. They’re odd! Something about a Jellicle ball?
It’s hard to focus. But please stay focused! The audacity of it all!
Cats. They’re cats. For one hour and 40 time. Don’t. Look away! This review just had to rhyme.
For no poetic language, detailed anguish, could begin to paint this crime.
I love the passion…I love the risk…And darn it, Cats loves me.
Cats. It’s Cats! What did we expect? Cats. Oh, rats. The film leaves a lasting effect.
Tom Hooper directed, and Lee Hall perfected, a musical we must respect!
Since ’81, the show went on, thanks to Andrew Lloyd Webber. All these years later, with Tom as translator, this adaptation we must weather.
For Cats. Yes, Cats! An adaptation with no prestige. And yet. Judi Dench. Comes forth, our cinematic liege!
She plays Old Deuteronomy, the cat who makes a choice. But which cat will she at last select, perhaps one with the best voice?
That. Is the plot. There’s really not much more. The cast. Of Cats. Only a few left to abhor.
James Corden plays a one-note goof, Jason Derulo swoons as one-cat show. But why is Sir Ian McKellen even here at all, we just may never know!
Cats. It’s Cats. You already know if it’s your deal. The trailer. Oh, Lord. It has that same appeal.
Hilarity…insanity…Enjoy the unrelenting sincerity….
Because! It’s Cats! From the man who made Les Mis. Cats! It’s Cats! A baffling product of showbiz.
I love it…it hates me…but we love the memory…