Episode 3 of The Carrie Diaries is titled “Read Before Use,” but it should have been titled “The Vagina Monologues Part 2” but I’ll get more into that later. This episode has so far been my favorite. It had everything I needed: Tom Bradshaw, Dorrit being Dorrit, and a storyline for Mouse. It was as close to perfection as this show could get.
Let’s start off with our main girl Carrie. Carrie is in self-imposed mourning after her Dad (rightfully) banned her from seeing Sebastian Kydd. Maggie doles out advice to Carrie to keep seeing Kydd, but Carrie needs advice from someone older. Enter Larissa, who after three episodes I’ve decided that her role on the show is to be the Anti-Mr. Wilson. She, predictably, strolls onto the scene, doles out bad advice and then strolls off to some unknown location. If I had blinked, I would’ve missed her. Resolute in her mission to find out why her dad won’t let her go out with Kydd, Carrie sneaks into her dad’s office and reads the Kydd’s file. Turns out Kydd was involved in a relationship with his art teacher at another school. Kydd’s parents (unknown to Sebastian’s knowledge) hired Tom Bradshaw to make the whole situation go away.
Speaking of Kydd, I need to bring this up because it has been bothering me for the past couple of episodes. What is the deal with his accent? It’s like he’s trying to sound like a faux Bob Dylan (a la Hayden Christensen in Factory Girl) I’ve never heard Austin Butler speak in real life, so I have no clue if that’s his real accent or something he’s putting on to make him seem more “irresistible.”
Carrie goes out with Kydd, despite it being a bad idea and ends up making out with him (their first make out on land!) before running away when she remembers the art teacher fiasco. Carrie runs to Manhattan with Mouse in tow and later meets up with Seth, Mouse’s maybe-sorta-boyfriend (who sort of looks like Seth from The O.C). The three of them go to an art gala Larissa invites them to where they meet Monica Penny. Monica is a former porn star who now shows people her vagina (this is where “The Vagina Monologues Part 2” begins) for a penny as an artistic form of empowerment. The threesome has a hard time wrapping their head around Monica’s performance, and Carrie (who makes many vagina puns in her voiceover) ends up being the only one who actually takes part in Monica’s little show (which may or may not have been illegal). Monica is so impressed with Carrie that she, and the rest of the crowd, tries to pressure Carrie to “take her throne” but being that Carrie is a minor, she makes a run for it.
Arriving home, Carrie and her dad get into a big blowout where she admits that she read his files and Tom ends up pulling the I-don’t-think-I-can-trust-you-anymore dad card. Carrie continues her tour of word vomit by also confessing to Kydd that she read his file. Kydd goes ballistic and tells Carrie that they shouldn’t hang out anymore. Carrie’s story ends with her and her dad having another Bradshaw bonding moment after she says that it’s over between her and Kydd (yay!).
While Carrie was busy dealing with Monica Penny and her vagina, Tom was also having a night out on the town. His sleazy lawyer friend invites him to a singles bar where Tom discovers that being a widower is the ultimate aphrodisiac to women (I don’t get it either). Tom declines the advances thrown at him (once at the bar, once at the grocery store), and his sleazy friend chastises him for not “taking the bait” (he’s gross). Tom also has trouble dealing with Dorrit, who is still the same old Dorrit who likes to wear too much make-up and yells at her dad when he forgets to buy frozen pizza (I love her so). Dorrit finds her way inside of a pet store where she steals an adorable hamster and names it Morrissey. Just like his namesake, Morrissey splits from the band and decides to go solo. Dorrit spends the rest of the show trying to hunt him down. Maggie shows up during the hunt looking for help. Maggie has been trying to get over Walt (who was absent this episode) by throwing away everything that reminds her of him. One of these things was a giant stuffed panda affectionately named “Bear-Bear.” Maggie ends up massacring Bear-Bear and makes a deal with Dorrit to try and find Morrissey while Dorrit tries to fix Bear-Bear. Dorrit saves the day and ends up giving Bear-Bear a Tim Burton makeover. Tom ends up finding Morrissey (who is prone to chewing stereo wires, again much like his namesake… kidding) and Dorrit is allowed to keep him (providing he doesn’t try to go solo again).
Excitingly, Mouse had a storyline this episode. Mouse has a date with her maybe-sorta boyfriend Seth Cohen that she’s freaking out about. It was endearing to see her trying to find an outfit for her date. Mouse made plans to go to an ice cream shop but was convinced by her friends that, that was a dorky idea so the plan was nixed. When Seth shows up she awkwardly fumbles her way through the date at the art gala. When faced with Monica Penny, Mouse runs off shrieking and Seth goes after her. The two of them have a little heart-to-heart, and Seth tells Mouse that he wants her to be his girlfriend. So maybe-sorta boyfriend Seth became Mouse’s official boyfriend, and I let out a cliché “aw” at the moment.
Episode rating: 6/10
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Promo for next week’s episode
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MAV-tC98B1s
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